Being the Side Character

 

I know all our life we have been taught to do better, whether it is in school or any other sphere of our life. We have been taught to dream big and work hard to achieve these goals. This is not just what we are taught but this is what everyone is doing around us.

I remember seeing my mom working super hard balancing being both teacher and a mom. Running on just four hours of sleep, she used to say to me “I want you to achieve everything that you want to achieve in your life. I want to fulfil your every dream whether it is big or small”. Ironically, my dream was to see her rest, peacefully watch her sleep without worrying about being late or casually roaming around in her pj’s.

 Now see we all are trying to be the rat running on a wheel, trying to achieve something invisible. All we need is to stop running and be at rest, so that the spinning wheel can stop, and we can have a sigh of relief. So am I trying to stop you from working hard or dreaming big. Not at all, why would I? I know that dreams are the hope that keeps you excited for your future. The answer to what I am trying to explain cannot be justified in a few words. So, I will unleash it one by one.

Years ago, I came across this Kdrama called “Extraordinary you”. This is the story of a girl who finds that she is the supporting character in a comic book. This leads her to change her fate and become the main character of her story. When I watched this drama, I was at the lowest phase of my life. I was struggling with severe body dysmorphia because of my weight and facial hair. When I talk about facial hair, it is not just a few hairs but a full beard. My inner peace was fully strangled when I used to see myself in the mirror. As a result, I felt like I could never be the main character of even  my own story.

Years later, when I didn’t have this facial hair and even had reduced a little weight, I still struggled with the same ideology. This was triggered when I saw a beautiful skinny girl's social media post. Even the trend “Main character energy” on the internet made me feel like a loser. All these Years of hating myself for not looking perfect made me feel severely underconfident. But you know, when you fall hard, you tend to rise high. An incident changed my whole mindset.

It happened when I watched a movie and loved the side character more than the main character. I realized two important things that day. One is that without the side character even the main character cannot portray the story. Second, if you do your part properly, you can outshine the main character as well. This made me feel stupid that all I did these years was just hate on myself. The mirror that I hate looking at or even my own appearance was not the problem. The problem was me. At that point, I could hear Taylor Swift’s song “It’s Me Hi, I am the Problem, it’s Me” in my mind. I was too busy hating my facial hair that I stopped loving the beautiful long hair on my head. The mirror was not just reflecting my image, but it was also reflecting my piled-up hatred towards me.

This hate was not by default in me, but it was installed by the people around me. Every bad comment that came from others planted a seed of self-hatred in me. So, I don’t hate myself but deep down I love myself. I love it when I crack a joke or when I smile. So, I don’t want you to stop dreaming. What I want is for you to dream about something that you truly want even if it is small, even if it doesn’t make you the main character. Dreams are something that you see yourself and not what others plant in you. Remember, you don’t have to be the moon or the Centre of limelight but you can always be the star and emit your own light.